My friend started an email chain this week. I know what you’re saying – ack! Who has time for those things?

Well, she sent this email to our crew of eight mamas. The eight of us met for the very first time about three years ago in a new mom’s support group in our Upper West Side neighborhood of New York City. We were like a group of deer in headlights as we navigated through the ups and downs of first-time motherhood. This group became my momtourage, my inner circle on all things parenting.

All but two of our crew has since moved out of NYC, but we’re still close and get together as much as we can. We use email a lot to maintain our connection between our in-person gatherings.

Now normally, I don’t make the time to answer these types of chain emails.  It’s hard enough time staying on top of the mountain of email that tends to accumulate in my inbox! But this time I did (we all did, in fact). How amazing it was to get to know these gals on a deeper level than our modern day friendships often give us the chance to know people. I learned things about each of them that I didn’t yet know. That’s so freakin’ cool.

Lesson learned? Be open to experimentation … especially when it can bring you closer to someone or a group of people you care about.

Here are my responses to the questions. Take a peek and feel free to send these questions around to your inner circle of pals. Get to know each other on a more intimate level. Your friendship will be better for it …

1. What is your occupation? A gal who just interviewed me for her radio show called me a “Goddess Gatherer and Spirited Leader.” I’ll take it!

2. What are you listening to right now? My zen water fountain and a totally quiet house … ahhhhh.

3. What was the last thing you ate? A piece of candy I bought to put in the Advent calendar for Sean. I ate most of the candies before they went into the calendar. Oops.

4. Do you wish on stars? No, but I do look at them in amazement at how big and grand this universe is. I like wishing at wishing wells … and giving Sean coins to throw in the water, too.

5. Favorite vacation? Asian adventure with Steven right before I quit my last corporate job (summer of 2007). Went to China and Japan for a month and left no stone unturned. Still laughing at how we pulled that off. The movie “Lost in Translation” was my inspiration to take that trip … that and knowing that the adventure would be really hard to take after we had kids.

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Sparkle.

7. How is the weather right now? Chilly, but not freezing. I’m not complaining. I can be outside and not be in pain (how did this Florida girl end up in the Northeast?!).

8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? One of my kick-ass clients in NYC. She called me from the Wall Street area and I could literally feel the energy of the city pulsing through the phone.

9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yup.

10. How old are you today? 34. Still feel like an inner 18-year-old, but am really glad I’m exactly where I am.

11. Favorite drink? Chai latte … and water.

12. Favorite sport to watch? College basketball during March Madness. Nothing like it!

13. Have you ever dyed your hair? Highlights all the way, baby.

14. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Glasses for seeing really far away.

15. Pets? Nothing makes a house cozier than cats Two of them now – Cricket and Jezzy. Lost my angel Cali a few weeks ago. My heart still hurts.

16. Favorite month? January. Fresh start to the year. Full of possibilities. And Sean’s birthday is January 5.

17. Favorite food? Brussels sprouts. Seriously. Recently discovered them and am obsessed. Saute those babies with some garlic and soy sauce and you’ll be sitting pretty.

18. What was the last movie you watched? “Spirit,” an animated film about a horse, with Sean and Luke. Amazing!

19. Favorite day of the year? My birthday. Fun having all that energy directed at me and my pleasure.

20. What do you do to vent anger? Start fights with Steven for unrelated infractions … and then go to yoga and write.

21. What was your favorite toy as a child? Books! Does that count?

22. Fall or Spring? Spring in the South; Fall in the North.

23. Hugs or kisses? Both.

24. Cherry or Blueberry? Cherry.

25. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? Since I’m almost the last one to do this thing, I’ll be psyched if K rounds out the crew.

26. Who is most likely to respond? Me?! Ha … had you all fooled!

27. Who is least likely to respond? Would have said J, but she proved us all wrong. Nicely done.

28. Living arrangements? House in the “cultured country” of the Berkshires. Love it. Though still getting used to taking care of a house! Big responsibility.

29. When was the last time you cried? When my cat Cali passed on a few weeks ago. One of the toughest things I’ve experienced in a long time was watching him get sick and go through the dying process. I miss the furry angel. He understood me better more than most humans.

30. What is on the floor of your closet? Our shoes, lined up and nicely organized. Yes, I’m OCD. We also have a blue furry cat bed that Cali used to sleep in … and now Cricket has taken over.

31. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Taryn. We’ve been close buddies since 6th grade.

32. What did you do last night? Host a teleclass with an organizer friend about getting rid of clutter in your life.

33. Biggest regret? Not spending more time with my younger sister Julie when she was sick. Didn’t realize she was going to die until a few days before she passed on from cancer.

34. What inspires you? A spiritual path … and teaching my kids that they can create any life they choose.

35. What are you afraid of? Living a mediocre, unexamined life.

36. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Not a hamburger gal. I do like hot dogs though … with sauerkraut and French’s mustard. Yum.

37. Favorite car? I’m digging my SUV, but do dream of having a really fun convertible one day (with no car seats!).

38. Favorite dog breed? Not a dog person and don’t know breeds. I think they are cute, though. Just not the kinds that jump on me.

39. Number of keys on your key ring? No clue. I only use my car key, which is more of a key fob than a key key … it’s cool. Sean already knows how to put it in the car … scary!

40. How many years at your current job? 4 years as an entrepreneur and pretty sure that I could never go back to having a J-O-B.

41. Favorite day of the week? Monday. Love the start of the new week. My fave yoga class is that night. Close second is Tuesday because it’s our family day and we tend to have a lot of fun going to library storytime and one of our fave cafes in Lenox.

42. How many states have you lived in? 4 – Florida, Georgia, New York, Massachusetts.

43. How many cities have you lived in? 6 – St. Petersburg, FL; Marietta, GA; New Smyrna Beach, FL; Gainesville, FL; New York, NY; Great Barrington, MA.

45. First record you bought? I distinctly remember playing this song “One Lover at a Time” in 5th grade. No clue who sang it.

========================================

Enjoy getting to know your peeps on a much deeper level … what are you waiting for?

And … if you’re a mama, I invite you to reclaim yourself in the chaos of modern motherhood through the Inner Mama Mastery Program. This home-study course will transform your relationship with your family, self and world. Say goodbye to the blahs and crazies. Until Friday, December 23, you can save a whopping 50% off! This is the absolute best holiday gift you can give yourself – hands down. Cruise over here and use the code – HOLIDAY50 – to cash in on a new, better, calmer, more kick-a** you.

xoxo

Jenny

Question: Hi! Thank you for showing so much appreciation for Asia and your travels there during the Retreat for Goddesses. I take it for granted that I have family and friends in Japan, Korea and China.  We may finally get over to meet my husband’s grandmother this winter. Could you tell me where you stayed in Hong Kong and Japan, the tour company you used, and just any highlights you think should be seen? Thanks hon! – Monica, New York, NY

Jenny says: Monica, I’m so excited for your upcoming adventure to Asia. Traveling throughout that continent was a highlight of my life. I remember hearing so much about Asia during my last corporate job while I was developing conferences focused on the hottest marketing trends. Sofia Coppolla’s “Lost In Translation” was a huge inspiration for me, too. I wanted to see what all the talk was about! So my husband and I decided to create the trip of a lifetime by traveling through China and Japan for a month in 2007.

We hired Asian Pacific Adventures (http://asianpacificadventures.com/) to create a custom tour for us. The owner Hima Singh was amazing in putting together an itinerary that left no stone unturned! In China, we visited Beijing, Guilin (a personal fave!), Longsheng (we stayed in a fab hotel surrounding rice fields), Xi’an, Shanghai, Hong Kong. Our Japan visit had us in Kyoto, Hakone (hot springs resort town), Kameoka, and Tokyo. We had guides and drivers at every stop except Hong Kong since we had a friend living there.

Not-to-be-missed highlights? Oh … so many! Terracotta Warriors in Xi’an. A ryokan in Japan (we stayed at Gora Kadan – AMAZING). Karaoke, fish market and sushi in Tokyo. Big Buddha in Hong Kong. Great Wall in Beijing. Cruise on the Li River. Geishas in Kyoto. I could go on and on!

One of my fave quotes – “The world is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.” Enjoy.

xoxo
Jenny

Question: I love your website, blog, newsletter … all of it! Who did it all? Can you give me a referral? It is simple and easy to navigate – gorgeous! Thanks! – Mary, San Francisco, CA

Jenny says: Mary! Thank you for your kind words. Nice to know my work resonates with you. Yay! I’ve had a great team of supporters to help me build my brand and online presence over the last few years. I’ve found that the key to making it as an entrepreneur (without losing your mind or working 24/7) is to have a VISION and to GET HELP.

No matter your budget, you can find someone out there who can help your dream take flight. I’ve also had success finding great, super-affordable help on elance.com. You can also hire an intern at your local college or barter services with a fellow business owner. Get creative and get out there.

My team includes the following superstars. Tell ‘em I sent ya!

WEBSITE [www.jennyfenig.com] and BLOG [www.zenjenny.com] DESIGN // Jamie Varon of Shatterboxx, www.shatterboxx.com

ZEN CIRCLE LOGO DESIGN // Dustin Jacobs of The Meraki Agency, www.themerakiagency.com

RETREAT FOR GODDESSES WEBSITE & LOGO [www.retreatforgoddesses.com] // Adam Haroun of The XFactor Agency, www.thexfactoragency.com

“LUMINOUS LIFE” EZINE// Marjorie Trager of Closer to Eden, www.closertoeden.com

*You can grab your complimentary subscription to “Luminous Life” here.

BRAND MISSION & STRATEGY // Angelique Rewers of The Corporate Agent, www.thecorporateagent.com // Fabienne Fredrickson of Client Attraction, www.clientattraction.com

Go for it!

xoxo
Jenny

Question: My husband and I have tried unsuccessfully for nearly 18 months to get pregnant. While I haven’t lost all hope (we both got checked and are totally healthy, thank goodness!), I am looking for some alternative/non-traditional methods to help with fertility (or at least to keep my spirits up during the process!). I just don’t know where to start – the Internet is a blessing and a curse when it comes to this stuff. Thanks! - Jessica, Detroit, MI

Jenny says: Thanks for reaching out. I feel your frustration. Keep the faith!

While I’m certainly not a doctor, I am a big believer in looking at Eastern/more spiritual approaches to bringing a baby into your life. Here are some tips that may be helpful. I used many of them myself and am blessed to be a mom of two young sons.

• Get things moving in your body. Acupunture can be really helpful here. Also look into doing a cleanse. Clear out the old stuff, make room for the new.
• Get in tune with the moon cycles. One way to do this is through New Moon Meditations. Here’s an example. Make 3 wishes at the start of the New Moon cycle (you can look up the cycles online), write them down, put them in an envelope that you see everyday and bless those wishes! Focus on inviting those wishes to come true over the next 30 days … and take steps towards those desires. This is POWERFUL.
• Read (positive, non-scary!) books about the miracle of childbirth. I recommend “Magical Beginnings, Enchanted Lives” by Deepak Chopra and David Simon and “Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth” by Ina May Gaskin.
• Go on vacation! Each time my hubby and I conceived we were on vaca. Don’t stress. Don’t hyper-control. Believe in your body. Know that your baby is waiting for you.
• Have a vision! Create a vision board and put a picture of the baby on your board.
• Check out my friend Nancy Bevers of Vibrational Child. She helps parents welcome their children and allow them to develop, grow and flourish as the beings connected to Source that they truly are. I participated in her Bringing in the Babies group. www.vibrationalchild.com.
• Write letters to your baby! Connect. He/she is out there. Invite their spirit in. You must make the space for this.
• Check out Pratima Raichur’s work. She’s a healer and ayurvedic doctor in New York City. You can do consults with her to analyze your dosha, get recommendations on foods to consume and foods to avoid, and purchase herbs that can cleanse and balance your system. www.pratimaspa.com
• Consider meeting with a midwife for your care. I worked with a midwife for my last pregnancy and it was SO much different than working with an ob-gyn. Could be a great experience for you … and can be the shift you need.
• Surround yourself with positive energy! Once you do that, watch the magic happen. One powerful source of feminine support is happening at the Retreat for Goddesses I’m hosting this summer. Here are the details: www.retreatforgoddesses.com.

Sending you much love and support in your mothering journey. Enjoy the ride!

xoxo
Jenny

So this idea of SPACE has been coming up A LOT for me these past few months (probably much, much longer, but I’m just more aware of it now) …

Then my yoga teacher shared something this week that made this idea truly bubble up and inspired me to write this post. While we were in a full state of flowy bliss, he shared this gem with the 25 students:

“Never waver in maintaining spaciousness in your life.”

That idea stayed in my head for the rest of the class … it became my theme, the thought that has influenced much of my life, work and focus this week.

Ahh … spaciousness. What is it, really? Room to breathe, room to grow, room to be, room to explore, room for adventure, room for opening up, room for magic and shifts to happen.

The problem is that too often we pack our lives and schedules with so much routine, stuff, and busyness that we lose the power that SPACE gives us.

We put ourselves on autopilot and are so driven by our to-do lists … that we stop thinking BIG-PICTURE and end up doing a lot of things that really would be better suited for our to-don’t list.

Your to-don’t list is comprised of things that you’re doing just because you’ve always done them … not necessarily because you want to or that they even make the most sense. These to-don’ts also don’t get you any closer to creating your ideal life and legacy. Quite simply, they are a waste of your valuable time and energy.

I’ve discovered the following truth: You MUST create spaciousness in your life and guard it with vigilance (this is a toughie, but you’re up to the challenge!). It will make a massive impact on your life, business, career, family, health, dreams.

So how do you create this SPACE? Here are 5 tips to get you moving:

• Create a morning ritual: The first part of the day truly sets the tone for the rest of your day. Are you running around like a maniac to get out the door? Or have you created some sort of morning ritual to get you going on the right foot? Having more SPACE in the morning might mean getting up earlier. Before you hit the snooze button, hear me out. Rituals don’t need to take a ton of time. Investing 5 minutes can truly change your life. I created a audio called “5 Minutes to Feel More Sane, Smart, Sexy & Successful” that’s all about the power of morning rituals. You can download it for free here.
• Make your schedule your strategic partner: Okay, here’s the deal. You need room in your life for “free days” to focus and visualize, and also to play. Like when we were kids and needed recess and free time, we need that as adults, too. Your calendaring system can be immensely helpful with this. The three categories I use that I’ve learned from some of my mentors: FOCUS, FLEX, OPEN.
  • Focus is for long-term strategic planning and brainstorming about the vision for your business and career. This is the time you spend ON your business/career (not in it). This is NOT busy work … this is time to think, explore, doodle, create, make connections, network, market, learn. This is the most important part of your work life.
  • Flex time goes to all of the activities that make you money/success (whatever this looks like in your world) in the short-term. This is typically your to-do list. Working with clients, managing projects, launching a new initiative, sending out invoices.  These activities tend to take the bulk of your work time, but NOT all of it. Leave time to THINK. Leave time to FOCUS (and to play of course!).
  • Open time is anything non-work related. Essential to balanced, healthy living. Make sure you have PLENTY of this in your life … and be very disciplined about sticking to your plan. Also – have days where you have NOTHING scheduled and allow yourself to truly go with the flow to see where the day takes you. You’ll be amazed.
  • I recommend that you chunk your time so that you’re not running all over the place from focus, flex and open. You need real blocks of time to dive into these different energetic states so think through how you schedule your time. Oh and do the things that you REALLY want to do. If it feels like a drag, it probably is. So get good at turning down requests and listening to your gut instinct about what is the best use of YOUR time (your most valuable asset).
• Don’t try to cheat time: Are you one of those gals who is always pushing it to make it to your appointments and meetings? Like it really takes 15 minutes, but you think maybe you can make it in 10 today? (I have SO fallen into this camp!)  How much stress does that bring you? What would it be like to arrive a few minutes EARLY and have some space to breathe, appreciate the scenery and make a new discovery along the way?
• Look for opportunities to RETREAT: Retreating is a true passion of mine. It all started in college when my leadership team from my public relations society would go on twice a year retreats to strategize our mission, offerings and approach. There was a reason we were the largest chapter in the nation and were the recipients of prestigious awards: we understood the power of retreats to get us out of the everyday and think clearly about where we were going and why. Since then, I’ve participated in and led as many retreat-type experiences as I can … with each one having a major impact on my life and the people I work with. How can you leverage a retreat to shift you into a new chapter? There’s one for just about every topic you can think of and I HIGHLY recommend you think about giving yourself this gift.
  • To play on this theme, stay tuned for more information about the inaugural Retreat for Goddesses happening August 19 – 21 in the Berkshire Foothills of Western Massachusetts. It’s going to be amazing! And if you’re ready for a private retreat to help you find the shortest path to success, check out my newest offering here. It’s a day like no other for a handful of savvy women-on-a-mission ready to take decisive action and create powerful, transformative results.
• Purge and simplify! Go through your home and office and get rid of anything you don’t need or love. Let go of the clutter, let go of the past. Just having extra space to live and breathe will do you SO well. I went through my closet this week and it feels so much better to walk into that space now. You’re essentially making room for new opportunities, experiences and things to enter your life.

** So I’m curious. How do you create SPACIOUSNESS in your life? Share in the comments section below. I’ll see you there! **

So January was a huge month for me in terms of putting my BIG vision into action. Many of my top clients experienced major shifts last month too as they started to make huge leaps in getting closer to their goals for 2011.

I love January for that reason – it’s the month we get all fired up about what we want. The ones who are most likely to GET what they want are the ones who take a no-excuses approach to making their vision real. I hope you put yourself in that category. If you don’t, why not adopt this approach starting right now? It will change your life. Guaranteed.

So I started seeing a theme emerge as my clients and I were taking massive action on our grand plans.

Want to know the secret?

The key to success is that you MUST make quick decisions with the information you have. When making your vision come to life, you’re not always going to have EVERY piece of data you wish you had. The path won’t always be crystal clear. It’s downright muddy at times. That’s okay.

One way you can think about this process of creating your vision is like assembling a giant jigsaw puzzle. Did you like putting those together as much as I did as a kid? At the beginning, the project almost seemed impossible. So many pieces! They all practically look the same! Ack!

After you get your wits about you, you start developing a little strategy to the puzzle. Maybe it was creating the border first with the flat-edge pieces. From there, you start grouping some of the similarly designed pieces together. Eventually a picture starts emerging … and you certainly didn’t need to put all the pieces together to see what the puzzle truly depicted. You could see through the holes to “see” what you couldn’t really see yet.

It’s the same idea when you are making your vision and grand plan come to life. As you start collecting valuable information, you MUST be ready to recognize the tipping point of when it’s TIME to make a decision. Depending on the size and importance of the decision, this can feel really freakin’ scary. When you dive deeper into the fear, you can also choose to feel extreme excitement and butterflies in your stomach for getting one step closer to making your dream happen.

It’s all about your MINDSET around your choices. Can you enjoy the process of doing the research, analyzing your data, and then taking action (even if you are a bit scared)? Or are you completely paralyzed by a big whopping dose of fear and doubt? Are you confident that you’ll make the best choice with the information you have? Or are you worried that you’ll make a big, fat mistake and everything will fall apart?

Choose the positive approach … or the negative one. Just know that your thoughts dictate your reality. It’s that simple. What you believe to be true will be true.

=========>>3 tips for integrating this theme into your life:

Being scared goes with the territory: Ya, you heard this right. A little bit of fear is good for the soul. Reminds you that you’re still alive … and GROWING in the right direction. Years ago, I had the pleasure of hearing Rudy Giuliani, the former Mayor of NYC, speak about leadership at a conference I produced. What I’ll always remember from his speech: if you’re NOT afraid when you do something new, you’re probably dead. So don’t let the fear stop you. Instead, use that jolt of energy to propel you forward to stepping into your greatness. Do it!

• Case in point: One of my clients dove into her dream (and the fear) when she got on the stage to sing and play guitar at an open-mic night at a lounge in her neighborhood. Since she was a little girl she’s loved music, but hasn’t had a lot of it in her life in the past decade … and she truly felt like a part of herself was missing. Although her day job is being a top sales rep in the medical world, through our work together she’s found a way to bring out this side of herself in a very powerful way. Was she scared when she got on stage? Yes! But did she do it anyway? Double yes!

Look for the tipping point: There comes a point in your exploration process where you’ll have “enough” information to make a decision and move to the next step. You’ll never have EVERY piece of data you wish you had. Don’t wait for the impossible. Sense when you’ve reached that tipping point and pull the trigger. This will require a leap of faith on your part. Use the words of Martin Luther King Jr. to give you strength here: “Faith is taking the first step, even when you can’t see the whole staircase.”

Keep your eyes open for messengers and messages: There are signs EVERYWHERE when you are open to receiving them. When you’re making an important decision, let the universe know what your question is (be clear) and then trust that the answer is out there. Over the next few days, look for themes and signs from people, places and things. This will FLOOR YOU. The first few times I did this, I almost fell down from all of the valuable information I was getting. You MUST trust in the messages. See them as gifts. Think about the messengers as people who are offering to hold your hand on your journey. You’ll never feel “alone” again when you get your head around this life-changing concept.

Okay … no excuses now. Get clear on your vision, assemble the giant jigsaw puzzle, and take action. You have everything you need within you. Ask for help when you need it and be ready to see the signs illuminating the path that is yours and yours alone.

I’m pulling for you.

** Would love to hear your thoughts. What works for you? Share your tips, insights and questions in the comments section – can’t wait to hear what you have to say. **

Today marks the first anniversary of the most painful, excruciating and fantastic experience of my life: the birth of my son Sean.

As we celebrated a huge milestone in his life – one year on earth – I couldn’t help but go back in time to one year ago.  Labor pains have a way of staying with you … and I went back to that cold January day in 2009 when I scaled the biggest mountain possible: natural childbirth.

The whole experience for me was a lesson in setting my intention, preparing, getting my support team in place, creating my vision, and then surrendering.

Childbirth is the most humbling, primal experience. It’s the great equalizer.  It brings you to your knees and forces you to come face to face with your biggest fears.  It forces you to go inside yourself and muster up all of your strength, all of your fortitude … and have ROCK-SOLID faith in your body and in your baby.

That’s what happened for me … I moved mountains.  I surrendered to the experience and rode the waves of the pain, rode the waves of my contractions to get one step closer to meeting my child.

But surrendering was not my approach at first. What was my initial reaction once the contractions quickly went from “ouch” to “WTF”?  FEAR, FEAR, FEAR! I was freaking out that there was no way in HELL that I could handle this.  All of my preparation and vision and years of yoga training went flying out the window.  I felt like I was holding on for dear life.  I distinctly remember looking at my husband and saying: “I don’t know if I can do this.”  I felt very alone, very vulnerable, very much in over my head.

And just when my mind was shifting into massive overdrive, I LET GO.  I gave in … and started really TRUSTING my body, TRUSTING my baby, TRUSTING that I had EVERYTHING I needed to bring my child into the world EXACTLY the way I wanted to.

By the time we made it back to the hospital (I was sent home earlier that day when I thought my water had broken and told that the baby may not be ready for days), I was fully dilated (the hardest part – transition – was over!) and ready to push my baby out.  This little one was ready to enter the world, 2.5 weeks earlier than expected.

I remember the whole pushing part of labor SO well.  My doctor wanted me to push my baby out rather quickly because his heart rate was dropping during contractions.  With all of the hoopla of rushing to the hospital and getting a room in the birthing center and dealing with the most excruciating pain I had EVER experienced, I kind of wasn’t ready to push that intensely.  I wanted a break, but I did like I was told but knew it wasn’t enough to help this soul enter the world.

After about three rounds of pushing, I remember my doctor looking at me in the eye and saying, very seriously: “Jenny, on your next contraction you’re pushing your baby out.”  I knew she meant business … and so did I.

I gathered up EVERY ounce of strength in my body, soul, mind and made a conscious choice to GO TO THE PEAK of the steep, scary mountain … and enter into the magical, wild world of motherhood.  There was no turning back.  Old life over, new life is here.

At 10:51 p.m. on Monday, January 5, 2009, my son Sean Logan Fenig took his first breath … and took my breath away. He was so … beautiful, peaceful, full of love, full of energy.   He was – and is – amazing.  He is a gift from God.

A few hours later,  after the doctors, nurses and doulas had left, it was just my husband, my son and I.  Our new family.  As my husband and newborn son slept soundly next to me, I was wide awake thinking about the miracle that happened in our room.  Mindblowing.  Otherworldly.  I looked out at the moonlit New York City sky and heard a voice loud and clear in my mind say: “Life will never be the same.”

So. True.

Happy birthday, sweet Sean. Together, we move mountains.

**Dear reader, wishing you the gift of strength and fortitude as you climb the mountains of life.  Where do you find your deepest strength during your toughest moments?  Please share.**

I was cleaning out my son’s closet today and filled a few bags worth of clothes he’s outgrown. He’ll be one (!) next week and we go through this cleansing process every few months.  It’s amazing to see this little person growing before my eyes.

Cleaning out his closet is wonderfully cathartic.  The act of letting go of things that don’t fit anymore to make room for stuff that does is POWERFUL.

As my one year anniversary of being a mom draws near, I get more and more convinced that everything I need to know I’m learning from my son. Point in case: shedding things – ideas, people, jobs, attitudes, homes, clothes – that we’ve outgrown.

Just like kids grow out of clothes and toys and interests, so do adults. This is often weird and confusing.  We may cling to what we know, what’s comfortable, what used to work.  We may struggle to pinpoint what exactly changed.

It may take us some time (and the ability to look back … when the time is right) to get some clarity, to heal, to accept WHAT IS.  The point is: what worked in the past simply doesn’t work anymore because we’ve changed. We’ve grown.  This is OKAY.  This is MORE than okay.  This is awesome.  Reminds you that you’re ALIVE … and EVOLVING.  Do you really still want to be that awkward kid you were in middle school?  I know I don’t.

Feeling grief, sadness and nostalgic about letting old stuff go is normal … it’s part of the healing process. I like to look back on my past jobs, friends, ex-boyfriends, cities, drama, wild adventures with gratitude for the valuable part they played in my life.

As for how I’ve processed the most painful experience of my life so far – the death of my younger sister Julie when she was 12 and I was 16 – well, I’ve come to accept that life isn’t always long and life isn’t always fair. Julie taught me so much about living … and that I’m LUCKY – damn lucky – to be here. We all are.  You better believe that I’m making this life count.  She’d want it that way … and she’s pulling for me.  I can feel her everyday.  Ya, I’ve got an angel in my corner. (That’s us at the top of this post in matching bathing suits that we’ve long outgrown!)

It’s taken me a long time to get to this point of gratitude (and I’m not saying I never fall in the tempting trap of “why did that happen to me?”), but for the most part, I’m grateful and accepting.  I KNOW with every fiber of my being that my experiences – good, bad, fabulous, painful – got me to this point I happily call MY LIFE.

** As we head into a new decade, take some time to think about what you’ve outgrown, what you’re ready to take out of your closet and put away for GOOD.  Then ask yourself, what new stuff, experiences, attitudes are you making room for?

Here’s to rocking it out in 2010.  I’m rooting for you.  So is Julie.

All that talk about heat in last week’s post reminded me of all of the HOT situations I’ve been in.   The sweatiest, scariest, most liberating, experience I’ve ever had was in a temazcal in Cancun, Mexico.

I had never heard of a temazcal until this particular Mexico trip.  I’m a curious, adventurous person and naturally wanted to learn what this thing was all about.

A temazcal is a sweat lodge that originated with Indigenous peoples in Mesoamerica.  It was used as part of a curative ceremony thought to purify the body after exertion, heal the sick, improve health, and aid women during childbirth.  It is currently being recovered by all sectors of society in Mexico and Central America and is used as a cleansing of mind, body and spirit.

I was looking for a cleansing experience so I signed up … and convinced my husband to join me.

There were 6 of us who showed up about an hour before sunset for this ritual.  A husband and wife team were our guides and they greeted us outside the mud hut (pictured above) on the sand near the ocean.

We started the ceremony by turning north, south, east and west and honoring the four elements: earth, wind, fire, water.  Then, we squatted through the small door and entered the structure.  I could tell we were in for something special … exactly what, I didn’t yet know.

Once we were inside, we gathered in a circle on the floor.  Hot lava rocks were placed in the fire pit on the ground.  Then the door was shut and the room got dark … really dark.   And things got steamy.  Our Temazcalera (a specially trained healer – in our case, the wife of the 2-person team) started guiding us through the journey of self-discovery.

The heat combined with the darkness were tough to deal with.  I got scared.  I couldn’t see!  I was hot.  I felt a bit trapped.  But I stuck with it.

Our guide asked us what we saw in the rocks.  I saw an open window in the distance.  I felt like opportunity was everywhere … and so was the heat and the darkness.  I felt vulnerable, but alive.

Then more rocks were brought in.  It got hotter.

Our guide then asked us what animal we most identified with.  For me, it was a tiger.  I was sweating profusely.  A coconut shell was floating in an urn of water next to me.  I poured it onto my body.  Instant relief, but the fear was still there.  “What ifs” where flying through my head – what if I pass out, what if I freak out, what if I want to get out?  I kept going.

A third round of rocks were added to the fire pit.  The heat was almost too much to bear.  I felt like I was going somewhere deep, somewhere important.  I traveled on.

We did some chanting.  We opened ourselves up.

Then a fourth  – and final – round of lava rocks.

By this point, an inner transformation was taking place.  So intense, so amazing, so powerful.  I felt like I was climbing a mountain, scaling a wall, overcoming my biggest obstacles.   My strength, focus and determination amazed me. I was achieving mastery over my mind, which is often a “monkey mind,” creating mini-dramas and holding me back from doing that which I know I can do.   Wow.

At end of our adventure a jar of honey was passed around.  I smeared that honey over my drenched skin and allowed this nectar of the Gods to sink in.  It felt fantastic (not sticky at all!).

The coolest thing happened next …

As the door opened, I could see the dark night sky emerge.  A huge shimmery moon shined down on the ocean and beckoned me forward.  Now, I’m typically not a gal who loves swimming in the ocean.  I grew up in Florida and prefer to spend time on the sand, not in the water.

But this night was different.  I didn’t hold back.  I ran from the beach and dove into the waves.  It was the lightest I’d ever felt.  I had sweated out all that old residual stuff (fear, regret, resentment, anger, self-doubt, anxiety, you name it).  All that was left was ME, the real Jenny.  All that was left was NOW, not the past, not the future, just NOW.

I’ll never forget that feeling.

That experience gave me the strength to embrace so many new adventures in my life: starting my own business, having a baby, traveling to new lands, creating a life on my own terms.

FOCUS OF THE WEEK

• Open up to new experiences where you can learn a thing or two about yourself, especially when you are traveling.  Embrace the concept: “When in Rome do as the Romans do.”  Culture is powerful.
• Notice your default tendencies when you feel fear.  What do you do?  Soldier on, pull back, freeze?  How’s that working for you?
• Recall a time when you looked fear in the face and rose above.  Tap into that powerful inner strength the next time you encounter a challenging situation.

Enjoy this last week of summer by looking back on all that you have accomplished.  Acknowledge your ability to face your fears and do the thing you think you cannot do. You are amazing.

xoxo

Jenny