Welcome to coach magic. These show for the woman who is all in on creating a life, business and family that's beyond her wildest dreams. I'm Jenny Fenig and I am so excited to help you get confident, focused and paid. Let's rewrite the rules and get moving in the direction of your deepest desire. Ready?
Set. Go. Hey, Hey. Hey everyone. Welcome to coach magic live. I am so, so excited to welcome you to coach magic live today, we have a special guest. Her name is Andrea Owen. I'm going to tell you about her in a moment. And we are in for a treat because she is incredible. She is incredible. We're going to have the best time I'm going to pull up.
On my phone to make sure everything looks good. And Andrea knows because she does this stuff all the time. Tech can be, can be tricky sometimes. So I'm glad you're double checking that it's actually exactly like that's my protocol to reduce the levels of anxiety. Like that's so much of what. This world is this work is it's like, how can I take the anxiety down a few notches?
There is no reason why to have unnecessary anxiety. Okay. Oh my gosh. Well, let me tell you about Andrea. And just, you know, get your kombucha, Andrew and I were just talking, I have mine. It's in it. It's an, a tumbler I'm I'm doing just the regular ginger flavor today. It's a ginger ginger aid classic. Yeah.
Get your Kabuki, your water, your tea, your whatever. Get yourself here, pull up a chair and let's do this thing. So Andrea. Oh, and is my friend. She's an author, a global speaker and professional certified life coach who helps high achieving women maximize unshakable confidence and master resilience. She has taught hundreds of thousands of women tools and strategies to be able to empower themselves to live there.
Kick ass life through speaking, her books, coaching and her wildly popular podcast with over 3 million downloads. She's the proud author of two books, which have been translated into 18 languages and available in 22 countries. Her latest book, which we're going to be talking about today, it's called make some noise, speak your mind and own your strength.
It's coming out this month. Right? She's a certified professional coactive coach from the coaches training Institute, professional certified coach with the international coaching Federation, as she recovers coach, as well as a certified daring way, facilitator, which is a modality based on the research of Dr.
Bernay brown. When she's not juggling her full coaching practice or writing books, Andrea is busy riding her Peloton bike. Uh, yeah, me too. Andrea chasing her two school age children, or I like the spark making out with her husband, Jason. She is also a retired roller Derby player having skated under the name.
Veronica vain. Hi Veronica. Thanks for having me. That's fun. So fun. So fun. Okay. So. Oh, my gosh. Well, let's just dive in because you know, the name of this episode today is make some noise. And that is the name of your brand new book. Congratulations. When is the official publishing date launch date? Like a week from today as we're recording this?
Yes, yes, yes. Okay. This is so, so rad. So congratulations on that. So you've written a few books. I, this one, why. I took a little bit of a pivot on this book, which makes it a little, like I'm always really transparent. You know that about me, Jenny, a little nerve wracking because it's a slight departure from what I'd normally write about.
And if anyone follows me more closely on my podcast or social media, you know, that I identify as a feminist and have been through my own sort of transition if you will, over the last few years and have gone through some stuff and. I started thinking about this book several years ago. And as many of you remember, we all went through the, the me too movement in 2017 and the Kavanaugh hearings happened in 2018.
And that's when I started to get a rumbling of what this book was going to be about. And the long and short of it is that for people who identify as a woman, we've been conditioned and socialized to be a certain way. And there's a punishment and reward system. You know, we, we all kind of had those implicit messages of what it means to be a good girl.
And then we grow up and like what it means to be a good woman or a good mom. And we internalize that sometimes without even realizing it. And I'm not saying that like those virtues and attributes are bad at all. I think it's fantastic to be kind and polite and a nurturer, et cetera. But a lot of times.
We sort of crossed the line and it goes into, you know, being overly accommodating. This is, you know, people pleasing. Um, this is, you know, when we're afraid to ask for the sale or we're afraid to have a hard conversation with our partner, et cetera, et cetera. And these are topics I've worked with women on for a long time.
The difference with this book is that. I am. I'm kind of calling out the elephant in the room. And for a long time in, in our industry, the onus has always been put on us, you know, that like just work harder and, you know, and, and may take all these steps. And I'm not saying working hard as bad either, but a lot of this is due to the culture that we were raised in.
Like we were conditioned and socialized to be a certain way. So this book is about. It's for women to just get curious about their conditioning. I'm not necessarily saying one way is good and one way is bad. I have my own opinions on that, but I really just want, I ask over 250 questions in this book. I want women to get curious about their own life and make their decisions from the clarity they get on.
Yes. Yes. And I really feel like that's so the core of coaching, I mean, you and I are both coaches. I serve a lot of coaches in my business and you've worked with a number of coaches and all the work that you've done. You've worked with all, you know, all different types of people, but we, we are coaches at our core.
And, uh, that's what makes you such a great writer and storyteller too, but that piece of following your own curiosity is just like, I wonder, I wonder if I tried this. I wonder if I played with that. I wonder if. Putting this on and saw what happens then what would occur. And I think when we allow ourselves that gift, or just following your curiosity and to really examine what we've been taught and what we've been told to see, well, how well does that even work for me?
Do I even like that? Or if I just been doing it because I feel like I was told I was supposed to, or that's what good girls do and what even is a good girl. And do I want to be a good girl? You know, all of those questions are right for them. Conversation and inquiry. Okay. So you say that women's empowerment begins with women asking for what they want.
Period. Tell us more about that. Well, I have found that, and I'm speaking generally here, this isn't the case for all women, but women tend to have a hard time asking for what they want, whether it's, and like, I want to back up even for a second. Many women don't even know what they want. Like, like let's just start there.
I've done. Uh, I've done workshops and things, especially earlier on in my career, I did a vision board workshop and I took these women through a visualization and invited them to visualize what it was that they want. And I had several women at the end of it, say, I don't know, I didn't come up with anything.
And you know, these were mothers of young children and, and that got me thinking again earlier on about. Okay. This seems to be fairly universal among my clients. So let's talk about what you don't want and offer them a safe space to be able to express that. So a lot of times I ask, I ask first the question, what is it that you want less of?
What do you not want in your life anymore? What are the things that you complain about the most? Even if it's just to yourself and start there. Even when we come to those conclusions, hopefully of getting clear on what it is that we want. Many times we have a hard time asking because we don't have the skills to have sometimes hard conversations.
I can't tell you how many of my clients have come to me, whether I'm coaching someone on the podcast for other listeners or private client who. The, you know, the, um, the distribution of chores around the house is completely unfair and imbalanced and they, you know, talked to their partner about. And nothing has changed and they don't know how to have these hard conversations.
And there's the stereotype of, of women who, who ask for things like that are nagging or they're needy, which we don't want to fall into that category, which is a whole nother conversation for another time. Or we think that happens. Hard conversations and asking for what we want is opportunistic and that we are aggressive or too assertive or, you know, mean and things like that.
So there's all these, again, these stereotypes and these beliefs that sometimes run really deep. And I am a firm believer that we need to start asking for what we want more often than not. Yeah. Do you imagine what would open up plus plus plus plus, and be like send hearts and exclusive? Yeah, totally. I mean, it just is an spot on your point where.
For a lot of women, the issue is they don't even know what that is. They don't know what that is, but I like what you said too, looking at well, here's what I don't want helps us, you know, remove that to realize like, that's not it. Maybe it's the opposite of that. Maybe it's just another path, but for, you know, everyone tuning in now and some of you all are here live awesome to see you.
Others of you you'll get this when we distribute our other channels is to really know that you are allowed to ask for what you want. And yeah. Are given permission here. I hope this conversation ignites that remembrance inside of you, that you're allowed to want things to want things. And when you know what those are, when you know what your preferences are, that's a really powerful piece.
So, you know, for a lot of my clients, and I know a lot of, uh, you know, what you do in your work, Andrea and you and I have had, you know, powerful conversations on this too. Uh, we want money.
We've lost some money, honey. So you did choose to write about money in this book. Why did you choose to write about money? Part of it is because I'd never written about it before. Honestly, the only reason I didn't write about it before is because I was going through my own money journey and like my own evolution.
And I didn't feel prepared yet to do that. Another reason is I didn't feel the opportunity. It just didn't fit in my other two books as well. Uh, you know, I'm not a financial advisor by any stretch, but this book was about. Women's empowerment and more specifically about women making noise. So what does that mean?
Does it mean that we need to be noisier and start yelling? Not necessarily, unless you want to, unless that's part of your values, it's about standing up for what you want. And it's also about empowering yourself. That's what, I'm a big fan of part of empowering yourself. Getting good with your finances. So there's, you know, fidelity did a study.
I believe it was in 2016. Um, there's been other studies. How, how, you know, and I'm gonna just kind of give you the basics here that women tend to not. Talk about money. We, um, women tend to be, you know, when this research shows that we're very good at managing households and very good about managing household budgets and, and the in and out of money, but not as well with investing.
And it's because we typically don't ask the questions about it. We don't seek out financial advisors and, and want to be in the meetings. You know, I'm talking about, if I'm speaking about a heterosexual couple. But, you know, the husband's usually in charge of that. And this has been, it's gotten better over the years, but it's still, there's a pretty decent gap and women tend to be in poverty more often than men as they reach retirement age and especially into old age for the elderly.
And it's, it's interesting. You know, when I think back when I was a little girl, I don't, I didn't know any woman who worked in banking or finance to me, I learned. And it wasn't explicitly taught to me. It's just, we learn through what we see and what's modeled for us, that men are in charge of money. Um, but if it's like, you know, lunch money and things like that course, you know, my mom worked, men are in charge of money and men are in charge of making the most money.
So it's, you know, and again, I'm just giving an example here of some of the things that we. Internalize. And then we can hopefully, again, start to break those down and get curious and start to relearn something that's more empowering. Yeah. Yeah. And we have a comment here, uh, in the chat. Absolutely. We empower ourselves by owning control.
You're taking control over our finances, really looking at, and I know my personal journey around that too, is, you know, similar to what you just shared. But that recognition, no one's coming to save you
and we can ask questions and it's okay. Totally not. Maybe understand a term or a concept, but to know that when we can get the right people on our team and when we can allow ourselves to learn about a subject matter, that really is important. That is. Reclaiming our power and that is us deciding how it's going to be for us and for future generations.
I love it. Speaking of future generations to your, um, the way that you dedicated your book, you know, to your daughter and your mother and her mother and her mother and her mother. And so looking at. You know, it, it wasn't so long ago. I think it was not a 1970s, like almost 1980 that women were first allowed to have a credit card.
They were allowed to have a credit card without a man's permission. So before that you had to get either your dad or your husband, maybe a, maybe a brother. I don't know. Um, too. To like co-sign for you. I mean, even if the woman was like, had her own job and was a single mom, like still in Nana's that, that happened in our lifetime.
I want to say it was something in this. I was born 1975, so it's yeah. And even. Money aside, women were not allowed to run marathons up until like the 1970s, like pulled out of the race. Domino's images of the women. Like, yeah, you can't be in the after and Switzer. It's an incredible story. If anybody wants to Google it, like she's a hero of mine.
So yes, these, these things weren't all that long ago. I mean, although I feel like the 1970s was only 20 years ago.
I'm the 1977 baby myself kind of like how long ago you've come a long way. And there's still a lot of work to do. And also many of us were raised by women and men who came from that generation where maybe in theory, they like to say that, oh, of course, women. Should make their own money and be in charge of their own money.
These old ideologies can live in us and we might, and it's, it's so interesting once you start kind of breaking down and unlearning things. And I write about internalized misogyny in this book and, and, and again, even people like you and me, Jenny who work in this industry, And I can't speak for you, but for me many times, like I will say that I'm on board with something, but then I look at my behavior sometimes and I'm like, huh, that's interesting.
And how it's out of alignment. And again, it goes back to that old conditioning that is. Largely unconscious to many of us, totally the books we read the stories we watched, the fairy tales, like everything. It was just, we grew up in those waters and then we can find ourselves at odds. With what we think we want, or we say we want and what we're actually doing, we're believing.
And that's so awesome that your book covers that I have to hear you talk about this story about being in Tijuana, Mexico on a drug deal at night and having a spiritual experience have a spiritual experience. Okay. So what had happened? I'll give you the short backstory. So I was married before and I was.
Um, we didn't have children yet. We were discussing conceiving our first child. We'd been together for a very long time since I was 17. And my husband had an affair with her neighbor and got her pregnant on purpose. And they'd been seeing each other for a long time. And anyway, it's a long story. So we got divorced.
Very traumatic. And then I started dating someone who I thought was great and it turns out that he had terminal cancer and that was really sad, but we were going down to Mexico to get this cancer treatment that was not FDA approved, which is kind of funny now because we're talking about, but, um, but it wasn't FDA approved in the United States, but he could get it down in Mexico when I was living in San Diego at the time.
So it was just a hop, skip, and a jump down there. It was not that big of a deal to go during the day. And one day he was really sick and I. Was taking care of them, any, any set. I need to go down there to get my medication. And it was 10 o'clock at night. And I said, all the pharmacies are closed and he's like, we need to go down there anyway.
So we drive down there. He's totally sick. Um, we are walking down this back alleyway and I had had some suspicions, but I didn't want to believe it that he was in fact abusing prescription medication. And I thought, well, I mean, I w it wouldn't surprise me considering the amount of pain that he's in and everything that he's dealing with.
He was estranged from his family. He had lost his job and his insurance, and it was just kind of a mess. And, uh, we were down there in Mexico and he sees these two men standing behind this building. We're like in this back alley, any sister right here, and he walks over to them and he was maybe, I don't know, 20 feet away.
And I hear him ask these two men. He says, do you know where I can get some options? Referring to the narcotic Oxycontin and my heart sank. And I was just like, oh my God, like, I can't unhear this. And, um, until they pointed down the street, we walked down there and there's a cab and he opens the back door to this cab and I'm thinking.
Are we we're going on a drug deal, like in a city that is notoriously dangerous, especially at night. And I'm pretty sure my boyfriend is a drug addict. I just learned this like five minutes ago and I don't want to get in the car. You know, everything inside of me was screaming. Don't get in the car, like turn around, run back to the border and go home.
And I got in the car. Well, first I said, I don't want to get in the car. And he put my face in his hands and he said, I would never do anything to jeopardize your safety. And I knew that he was BS thing me and I got in the car anyway. And we're driving down the road. Either cobblestone or dirt road. And then we get to this person's house and then I'm paying for it.
Cause he didn't have any money. So I'm handing over a stack of twenties so he can get his cancer medication, which I know at this point was just drugs. And I had this moment in like the back of the car where I thought like, how did I a, how did I get here? That was my, it was a first of all. How did I get here?
When did I decide it was okay to give all this power away. Like I had handed over my intuition, my dignity, my self-trust like all of myself to try to avoid being abandoned, you know? And it was such a light bulb moment of my abandonment wounds. And you would think I would have broken up with him, like right when we got home, I, I lasted another few months.
Cause I was, again, I was so codependent. I was trying to take care of him and help him. And ended up ending very poorly, but, but it was, it was such a spiritual experience because I knew I was ignoring my intuition because I was so afraid of what the alternative was, but it was such a huge moment of awareness that I'm grateful.
Yeah, absolutely. And this whole connection to your voice was trying to talk to you saying, don't get in the car, don't get in the car, but for a lot of us, as you said, we've been the fear of being by ourselves to, you know, that abandonment thing. I, I struggle with that for a long time. You and I have have talked, you know, you've got to have your stories of like that person you dated that you're going, what was that all about?
But it helps us. Yeah, he'll it helps us break through and it helps us. We do have some really, really good stories. And you do talk about that in your book. What do you mean when you say start building superior stories? It's uh, it's basically mindset work and I don't, I don't say basically like to be dismissive of it is it can be one of the most powerful things that we do.
And I love brain science. Like I geek out on it so much and it's so fascinating to me. No, I'm trained and certified and Renee Brown's work. And she talks about the loop. When we, when, when we get triggered by something and something happens, like say, we came onto this live and you were. A little bit short with me and, um, and didn't do like a lot of small talk like, Hey, how are you?
I might make up a story very quickly that you're mad at me. And like Jenny's mad at me. And then, you know, depending on our relationship, I might be like, oh, I knew she never liked me. You know, I remember that one time, like, you know, and like we do this and our brains want to come to a conclusion because we get, I cannot remember if it's dopamine or it's a.
But anyway, the pleasure center is rewarded. When we come to a conclusion about the story, can we close the loop? And our brains don't care if it's true or false? That's the thing is they're like, oh, check the box. Well conclusion to this Jenny doesn't like us and, you know, and that's that. And we do this quite often.
I have become very aware of when I do it. And, and, you know, the trick is to knowing what your triggers are. And like I was saying, you know, mine are abandonment issues. So whenever my husband and I have a disagreement, this has gotten so much better, but I used to automatically think he was going to leave me like this is it.
Like, it would be one fight and I'm like, he's divorced. I'm so hard to be married to. I'm impossible. I'm difficult when that wasn't the case at all. He's still, he stuck around, but that's what that is because we make up stories all the time. So the idea here of building superior stories is said to create the story that you want, not the story of, oh, he's leaving me.
She doesn't like me. This is all falling apart is to really be mindful of what stories are we telling and what stories are we believing for exactly. And it's about getting curious. As I said in the beginning of our conversation, that's the tool I really want the readers to walk away with. And I ask over 250 questions in this book.
There's a, there's a free workbook too, because I didn't want people to be overwhelmed. I wanted to give them a chance to implement. If we can even just pause and get curious. So if that were to happen, I would say like, oh, I wonder why I thought that like it, or, you know, the Byron Katie question, is that true?
Or is that helpful? Or when was the first time I thought that just these questions, like train yourself to be curious. And look at things with wonderment instead of being definitive, that something is the way that it is because we'd like to be certain. Yes. And that is that true. We actually have a magnet in our kitchen that says, is that really true?
And so when you can just ask yourself that question, start deconstructing, start looking at, where are you? You know, just like screwing yourself over with these unhelpful, unhealthy thought patterns that just keep you stuck and keep you scared and keep you small because this whole idea of, you know, making some noise.
Is it truly about reclaiming your life? Is it about, you know, making this one life count? Like if you just had to kind of summarize, like, what is it like, how does one know when they are making some noise? I think if they get that quiver of fear that pushes up against the socialization and conditioning that they've been taught.
Then they're on their way to making some noise, even just the curiosity of it. We have to do that and that can be deeply uncomfortable. Yeah. Yes. And to know that it's okay. It's okay. To be uncomfortable. Andrea, you wrote a short poem. That's in the opening of the book. Burn it down. Would you do us the pleasure?
Give us the pleasure of reading. Happy to read it. Yes. Okay. It's called it down. She had fire in her belly and she used it to summon her truth. She had fire in her soul and she used it to remember where she came from. She had fire in her heart and she used it to trust the women who came before her. She had a fire in her spirit and she used it to show other women their own flames.
She had fire in her eyes and she used it to burn it all down. She had a fire in her, every being, and she used it to blaze a new path, a new way, a new life.
I just closed my eyes for you, Jenny. I just it's like, woo. I just felt it. I felt it. That was so, so beautiful. I am just thrilled for your book and I want to let everyone know. This book is it's bite. When we get this all out in our podcast and all the places, it will be on your, your launch day. So everyone, I mean, where they I'm going to tell y'all I got a special surprise for some of you, but Andrea tell them where they can find your book.
Andrea owen.com/noise. That'll give you all the details, all the bonuses and everything, and I'm excited for your announcements. Yes. Okay. And so all right, so you all know, I am totally dedicated to women. Making some noise, raising your voice. And in particular, specifically in this season of my career, it's dedicated to you getting out there and speaking, like being a speaker, getting your voice out there online specifically on video.
I mean, we're recording this, this interview on video. You all have online businesses. If you're not doing video, you're making it much harder for yourself. And there are so many different ways you can do this, but it really comes down to you getting your message out there. So I have a brand, well, it's not a brand new program, but it's the first time I've led it this year.
It's the only time I'm leading it in 2021. It's called magnetic. And it's all about getting your voice out there, online, making some notes. Raising your voice and really being a powerful steward of the message that you're here to share. And we are going to be gifting. Andrea's new book makes a noise to all of our clients who join us in my program.
Magnetic. So here's what you're going to do. You're going to go fill out an application. We want to curate a really, really powerful circle. We just have a few spots left in our program. And if you want to find out how you can get involved, just go to Jenny fenech.com/magnetic, and you can fill out the application, give it a go.
I mean, here's the deal. You all, you get one life. All right. And I, I, this is like my, my journey and Andrew knows me. Well, my thing. I know death really well. I mean, that's kind of a bizarre statement to share, but it's just true. My sister died when I was a teenager. My best friend's brother died six months later, and then that best friend died two years later.
So I know death. I experienced three deaths in three years from the age of 16 to 19. So the fact is we're all gonna die. We're all going to die. We're all gonna die. And the question is, I mean, literally I was just texting with a friend of mine who shared, um, He knows. So like somebody just had this super tragic death and it was a former roommate of his like, just today.
He, we were texting about this. I'll think it was like, oh my gosh, he's having all these members, remembrances of this friend. And I was just kind of helping him process that and like listening to his stories and, uh, we're all going to die. We have this finite period that we have here. So what are you going to do?
What are you going to do with your time? Are you going to write a book like Andrea has done several times over. You're going to have your podcast. You're going to lead programs. Are you going to get your message out there? Do you want to speak on stages virtually in person? Do you want to lead incredible programs?
You just want to be able to be in a room with someone and say what to me, except he wants you mean no. What you want ask? Well, Put it out there. This is your opportunity. Do you want to be in a meeting? Uh, whether it be a boardroom meeting with colleagues and meeting with whatever it is that you're working on and put your work out there.
Andrew's got to hop off. Go ahead, Andrea. You've got to go. It was awesome to have you. I'm going to end things for sure. People want to say really quick for your group. People get a copy of the book. I can, I can mail you. Um, these like really cool branded stickers that are personalized and signed and they considered a lot of that.
Oh my gosh. Yeah. Thank you, Andrea Andrews. So awesome. She's got a hot, because she's doing lots of promos for her book. I wanted to be able to wrap things up for you and just let you know, um, I'm here for you. I am really, really dedicated to you getting out there and doing your thing. And so if you want to join us in magnetic, Jenny fanny.com/magnetic, fill out the application.
We'll take it from there. You can also send me a private message on one of the socials, and I'm happy to send you details on that. I hope you go get Andrea's book, whether you joined magnetic or not go get her book, read it and start your next chapter. Really start your next chapter. Speaking of next chapter, I'll show you my notebook.
You see it. It says next chapter, August, 2021 dash blank. I use these legal pads to just write down notes. When I'm speaking with clients, uh, interviewing people. I write down little gems that come through on these notebooks and I'm starting my next chapter. And so are you, and so the question is, what kind of chapter are you going to write?
What is it that you are going to be talking about doing spending some time with putting your energy towards that's your invitation and. Here's to making some noise. Thank you so much for joining us today for coach magic. Live again. Thanks so much to our special guests, Andrea Owen. She's incredible.
She's an amazing writer and I know you're going to get so much out of her book. Again, if you step forward for a magnetic, we will be gifting you with a copy of Andrea's new. Make some noise, VUL, everyone. I will see you again soon.