One week ago, my oldest son Sean celebrated his 9th birthday. We were in Florida. I couldn’t resist the urge to WRITE about that experience of becoming a first-time mother.
I’ve committed to doing a lot more writing this year. Because it’s the craft that I love so much.
Here’s what I wrote …
At 10:51 p.m. on January 5, 2009, I crossed through a gate of INITIATION > motherhood.
My life would never be the same.
You should know that I was not that girl who knew she always wanted to be a mom. For many years, I was very much “undecided.” Prior to that, I was more in the NO camp.
My career aspirations seemed more exciting and worthy of my attention. Plus I had always been acknowledged for my leadership and success at work … I had a lot of doubts and fears about becoming a mother.
It didn’t help that my own mother told me that I probably shouldn’t become a mom since I was so “selfish.”
But something started shifting a few years after I got married.
I started feeling babies all around me. Started feeling a soul of a child ready to come through me. I started noticing children everywhere. In the past they used to come across as loud, wild nuisances … now, they appeared as magical angels of light (who are often loud!).
This also largely coincided with me diving headfirst into a 200-hour yoga teacher training. I was more in my body and more fascinated with the human body and soul than I had ever been.
I felt myself being pulled into a new dimension. A new chapter.
An opening emerged.
I stepped through.
After a few months of trying to get pregnant (and simultaneously doubting my body and relying more on science than spirit), I finally surrendered and TRUSTED.
We got pregnant that month. We lived in New York City at the time, but conceived in the place of my birth – St. Petersburg, Florida.
I was overjoyed. And also totally amazed that I WAS GOING TO BE A MOM.
Pregnancy was one of the most extraordinary times in my life. I was blessed to have “easy” pregnancies (I’ve had 3 now).
Having a natural birth (no interventions or drugs) was something I knew I wanted. I knew this even though my mother had told me when she was birthing me, she told the doctor to “kill her now” and that she gladly got an epidural when birthing my sister 4 years later. “I was reading a magazine when having a contraction – the only reason I knew I was having a contraction was because I could see the contraction on the monitor,” she told me.
No offense to those who go this route (for whatever reason!), but I wanted to feel EVERYTHING in labor and birth as I had spent so much of my life numbing, numbing, numbing – afraid to feel PAIN.
I saw this as a beautiful quest and one of the great rites of passage for me as a woman. I knew my body was designed to birth and I wanted to feel my power as my baby and I did what we both knew how to do.
I had to be willing to have many people tell me I was “crazy” for wanting to go this route.
I minimized the impact of those who couldn’t support my choice and instead surrounded myself with like-minded people.
I read books (“Magical Beginnings, Enchanted Lives” by Deepak Chopra was my fave at that time), watched “The Business of Being Born” (EYE-OPENING!) and assembled a birth team who would honor our wishes and would create a sacred, calm environment for the birth of my first child. I said “NO” to my mother’s repeated requests to be at the birth.
(TIP >> learn how to say NO with grace and firmness. I can help you here … keep reading.)
I followed my intuition EVERY STEP OF THE WAY even when what I was guided to do meant disappointing people or going against popular convention.
Sometimes my intuition led me to know more than “experts.” Like when I went into labor with Sean 2.5 weeks early and was told by the L+D doctor on call at the hospital that although I was having some contractions, the baby’s birth was days, if not weeks, away.
Even though this was my first pregnancy, I KNEW THE DOCTOR WAS WRONG.
How did I know?
Because I was in my body. I kept following the signs. Trusting the nudges I was getting. And connecting with spirit.
When Steven and I left that hospital, my body was full-on in labor … even though even he couldn’t accept it. I don’t think he felt fully ready to be a dad … he thought he had a few more weeks to prepare!
When we got home and he told me he was going to go to the gym, I looked at him like a women with fire inside of me and said firmly, “YOU ARE NOT GOING TO THE GYM.”
I promptly went into the bathtub in our NYC apartment and labored while Steven ate Chinese take-out (“Do you want any, Jenny?” he asked. “NO!” I groaned.) and timed my contractions.
Thank God my intuition told me to hire a doula because without her we wouldn’t have made it back to the hospital a few hours later. Steven would have needed to deliver our baby at home – that’s how quickly Sean was making his way into the world.
Our doula sped over to our apartment and helped me get dressed to head back to the hospital while I was in the hardest part of labor – TRANSITION. And my friend Kelly who was a doula in training also met us at the hospital to help me birth this baby.
I felt EVERYTHING.
Every contraction. (Like a giant wave forming in the ocean … growing in intensity until it crashed over me.)
Every centimeter opening.
And my body knew exactly what to do.
Knew how to open. Knew how to groan. Knew how to rest. Knew how to push.
My soul was fully alive as I joined forces with my baby.
We did it! We did it. We did it.
The last 9 years have flown and also been some of the most challenging of my life. Someone told me early on in my parenting journey – “The days can feel like they last forever yet the years fly by.” SO TRUE.
I’ve learned to sharpen my intuitive skills as a mother, woman and entrepreneur. I honestly believe my intuition is the most powerful gift I own – and I believe this for you too.
But it is SOOOO fucking easy to lose your connection to your intuition. Especially when you spend more time listening to everyone else over your own soul.
2018 can be the year you reclaim yourself and your truth and your divine wisdom.
This is my wish for you.
If you want to join me on this quest, read the PS below.
I’ve got your back.
PS – For the first-time ever, I’m leading an online workshop on INTUITION.
You’ve gotta be there.
The theme …
ACTIVATE YOUR INTUITION
Tune In. Rise Up. Do Less. Make More.
Tuesday, January 23
7:00 – 9:30 pm EST (4:00 – 6:30 p.m. PST)
You can attend online from wherever you are located in this beautiful world.
A recording will be sent to all who register so no worries if you can’t come live.
No fancy sales page. Just a simple invitation to stop working so hard (and counterintuitively) to get what you want.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN:
- Rituals + practices that connect you to your truth + divine wisdom, daily
- Working the cycles, seasons + smart calendaring to get more accomplished at work and at home while exerting less effort
- How to tune out the noise of the world so you can create the next level of your sacred work without burning out
- Partner with your intuition to name your programs, wisely launch your offerings, and confidently say yes or no to prospects and opportunities
- Develop a spiritual protection from critics and detractors who you’ll encounter on your path
- Create a solid brand essence that attracts your soulmate clients
- How to notice the powerful signs that are all around you and take action from a place of inspiration, not desperation or fear
- Everyone who purchases a ticket will be entered to win one of my FAVORITE essential oils (which is one of my INTUITION ACTIVATORS). One winner will be chosen. Will it be you?